In my spam mail box today.

“You’re either een or you’re aut.” – Heidi Klum

In:

Mangoes. I buy the frozen mango chunks from Trader Joe’s, and blend them with milk and ice to make smoothies at night. It’s been so ridiculously hot lately that I have been out of commission from about 3 pm to 6 pm. Today I actually took a siesta, and then woke up and got busy again. I hate hot weather, but I like the midday siesta thing – and it makes it kosher for me to stay up late working. Perhaps I should remember that… I do really love the cool nights, and I could live off of mango smoothies.

Berry-colored lipstick. I know it’s spring, heading into summer – but berry stained lips, a tanned face, and air dried hair make me feel like I’m in the Mediterranean. Although, I took out my contacts tonight, and with my glasses and dark lips, I look more like Janean Garafalo. Which, you know, props.

Hammocks. Brad installed a hammock a few weeks ago, and I just barely got around to trying it out yesterday. After making sure I wasn’t going to be flipped over, I relaxed into it’s ropey embrace. It’s heaven. Unfortunately, I have responsibilities in this life, and I don’t have the time budget to spend 30 minutes trying to get out of the hammock every time I want to relax for 15 minutes.

Jack Reacher. Jack Reacher is the hero of Lee Child’s series about a guy who goes around solving crimes. Frickin’ awesome.

Musicals. This week it was Wicked and Les Miserables, on repeat. LOVE!

Out:

Mosquitoes. A few weeks ago, when there was a brief but glorious rainy season, I discovered a small pool of water that had formed in a metal pan out in the back yard. And in this horrible pan were horrible little mosquito larvae. As a preventive measure, I poured baking soda and distilled vinegar into the pan, hoping to kill them. No dice. I followed up with bleach, but it would seem that my attempts at mass insecticide were not successful, and now they are coming for their revenge.

Zits. I have always had pretty good skin. But the last month or so, ever since my trip to San Francisco, I’ve been breaking out. I’ll be honest and say that by breaking out I mean I have one zit. But just about the time one disappears, another one shows up. So, for the last month, I’ve constantly had a zit, albeit in different places on my face. I’m like the king with the mobile mole in Robin Hood: Men in Tights. “I have a MOLE?”

Dentistry. Last week I flossed out a filling. Yes. Flossed it right out. I am one of those vigorous teeth brushers, but I didn’t realize that I was going over board on the flossing also. Either that or my dentist did a craptastick job of filling it seven years ago. I’m not excited to get it fixed. In the meantime, I’ve become a flossing fanatic – a gentler one, though. I cannot HANDLE having something stuck in my teeth, and now I’m paranoid. Sigh.

Eco-friendly. Here’s the deal. I want the best for planet earth. I believe in solar power, responsible water use, recycling, and using canvas bags instead of plastic at the grocery store. But I am sick to death of having it jammed down my throat. I am even more sick of the holier-than-thou attitude that goes with it. When people use earth-friendly as a selling point, it makes me want to go out and buy asbestos-laced chew toys (made in China, in a child-labor sweatshop) and distribute them to yuppies in front of Whole Foods. But I won’t, because, like I said, I want the best for planet earth. And I can’t run for public office with a criminal record. It’s bad enough that I’m a Mormon Democrat.

Diet Coke. The demon drink makes me puff up like no other mother. So it’s banned. As is my beloved Diet Dr. Pepper. And any other drink besides water and mango smoothies.

I love this painting by the very talented Mike Mitchell.

Last weekend, my sister Chere and I rented a car and drove 4 hours north to San Francisco for a weekend of fun, sun, and wind. We stocked up on beef jerkey, diet coke and sour patch kids and headed up the 101. It’s been just long enough that I don’t remember the trip blow by blow, but I’ll catch you up on the highlights.

We went to Alcatraz! I have always wanted to go, and each time we’ve gone to San Francisco it’s always been too expensive to take a whole family to. I’d been told that it was actually quite scary in some places, but it’s a lie! The place is practically a theme park. Actually, it’s run by the Federal Park Service (State? dunno) and they do a grand job. We booked tickets in advance, and were instructed to show up early to board the boat. Chere took this to heart, and spent the morning stressing that we were going to be late. I spent the morning mocking her.

Chere – looking very concerned about missing the ferry. And see the ferry – no one in line.

It was a gorgeous day – blue skies, minimal fog on the horizon, so I took lots of pictures, but in looking back through my camera, I realized I took some really odd ones. But they’re all I’ve got, so tough.

We hiked up the hill, and it was steep, so I kept stopping to take pictures and stretch my leg, which kept cramping up. Besides, I’m a weakling, and if I was taking pictures I could catch my breath without looking pathetic – although, let’s face it, I probably fooled no one. Anyway, it’s a beautiful island, in spite of it’s bizarre history.

See how steep it is? No, we did not climb straight up – there were switchbacks.

Chere – channeling Sirius Black in Azkaban – which, let’s face it – Alcatraz is just the Muggle version.

There was a little observation deck type terrace that we went out on, and it had perfect views of the city – and just as I went to take a picture, a seagull that had been eyeing me did THIS:

We had some other funny moments – I had a miniature panick attack in the isolation cell. A group of us all filed into the cell so that the park ranger could close the door on us, and give us a taste of what it was like for the prisoners. I lasted perhaps 30 seconds, and pushed my way out – interrupting his rehearsed speech, and surprising the whole group with my wide eyed panic. I couldn’t breathe! I think if it had been just me in the cell it would have been fine. But I have a fear of being trampled. There were just too many people in that little cell.

There’s the meany park ranger. The cells all had famous names like Broadway, Michigan Avenue, and they met at Times Square, which I thought was cool. This is not the best picture, but I thought it had a nifty industrial look to it. Coulda been cool in some black and white film.

We went to Fisherman’s Wharf, of course, and had crab and ciopinno at Scomas, bought sourdough bread, and lots of salt water taffy for Chere.

We also had amazing Greek food, heavenly ice cream, and divine cheese. But I did not take pictures of those glorious events. But here is us looking happy.

Ok, so it’s me looking happy (and windblown). Chere just looks like the sun is in her eyes.

Oh! And we went to Chinatown, where I also did not take pictures. I’m letting you down, I know. But here are some pictures of our drive home along Highway 1.

Carmel-by-the-Sea.

Past Big Sur at a turnoff. Isn’t it GORGEOUS!?

So, because it’s travelling with Tai, something had to go wrong. We turned back onto the road after this turnoff, and about 20 minutes later, the car started making a funny noise. We came around the bend, and there was Gorda – a whale watching station that also had a gas station, little store and restaurant. (I am acutely aware that Gorda means fat girl – are they refering to the whales? Regardless…it’s just…well!) Chere hopped out of the car, and we HAD A FLAT TIRE. My first! In a rental car. Apparently, something had punctured the tire but good, leaving a 1 inch gash. Fortunately, the gas station attendants were fantastically helpful, and changed the tire in a hurry. The only problem that remained was the 100 miles we had to go – on a donut – along treacherous cliffy roads that were really, really windy. And it was past sunset at this point. The drive should have taken us two hours, and it took four and a half. We made it though. Tired, but happy with our vacation.

We had such a good time. Witness rested, happy, red lipsticked Librarian Tai (oh, and here’s my new glasses!):