I am literally dying for a house of my own. I check the real estate markets obsessively, and I’ve cut back on all spending in order to be able to a down payment down on something soon. And because I design things for a living, I’ve decorated it several times over in my head. I keep finding things like yellow curtains that look like solidified sunshine, seed packets that remind me of a little herb garden and fiery pink bougainvillea growing on a white lattice leaning against a blue wall, and inexplicably, wallpaper. I love wallpaper; done right it can make an ordinary room special and personal. The problem is that wallpaper is almost universally done wrong. My mother always insisted on pure white walls, which I love because anything you put on them is so dramatic. I think the key would be to use the wallpaper in small doses, on small strips of wall.

I found this website called Ferm Living, and they have some of the most beautiful, modern, simple designs I’ve seen.

Every little bit I go through this totally antsy thing where I can’t hold still, concentrate or really deal with the present moment. The last time I blogged about it I called it ‘whole body restless leg syndrome’ and I blamed it on the transition to New York City. This time I’m not sure what it is, but I’m going crazy. It’s a dissatisfaction with life as it stands, and I’m beginning to realize that no amount of moving, new people, or any other frantic activity can deal with it. I know that my mother would tell me that it’s a blood sugar thing, but I had a balanced breakfast and lunch, and I really think it goes beyond that.

Beyond that to where, I’m not sure. The only things that seems to medicate it a little are writing and designing endless patterns, both of which calm me and make me feel somewhat productive. I’ve tried things like walks and visits to museums, but I get overwhelmed and irritated, and crave solitude and open spaces. When I painted all the time, I would crave moments like this because I could channel this energy into painting, and go on painting sprees that lasted entire days. There was something about the squeezing of paint, the mixing, scraping, smudging, tapping, dabbing, blending and sheer concentration that was so good to me. I don’t think painting was about the results, I only reluctantly ever showed anyone what I painted, I think it was about the process. The fact that I could turn on my music, and start, and then ‘wake up’ hours later, neck sore, back stiff, hand cramped, having done nothing but worked on one canvas for an entire Saturday – I felt like I had some kind of purpose.

There’s no doubt in my mind that people need to feel like they have some higher purpose in their life, and that something that is generally satisfied with a mix of work and family. I do find my job creative and interesting, but increasingly I’m finding that I’ve got more that needs given. I need to find a service project or something.

Kate’s friends Christian and Kent are in town this weekend, and I joined them for an Indian dinner (which was not as good as Bombay House – shout out to YesPlease, woot woot). It was Kent’s first time in New York, and he wanted to go to a dance club, bless his heart. Kate and I decided to opt out and go to a movie instead.  As we walked down Columbus Ave, right before parting ways, we passed a club called Columbus 72, and Kent optimistically went over to ask the bouncer if there was a dress code.

Kent: “What’s the dress code here? Can I go in like this?” (t-shirt and jeans)

Very big thug bouncer, looking him up and down: “Not like that, sugar.”

My Weight Watcher group leader’s name is Toni, and she’s a small, toffee color haired woman in her fifties with a strong New York accent, and a vocabulary full of therapist terms that leads me to believe that this is not the only group she leads.

Tonight I went with Kate and Kathryn to Grimaldi’s in Brooklyn for pizza, and while we were there, we went down to the boardwalk and I got some really nice pictures. This one is my favorite.

 

My dad asked me the other day where I was getting my photographs, so I’d like to clarify that unless an image is linked to an outside website it was taken by me.